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Building a home

Trailing the footsteps of Ibrahim (as) and Muhammad (saw)
Synopsis for speech at IMEA, Enschede, Netherlands

As muslims, we believe in the importance of intention (niyat). Intention makes everything counts, either as a good deed or an evil act. Innocent action like eating can have a wide spectrum of value. It can bring a reward or a curse for us in the hereafter.

Marriage should never be seen as an exception. It can bring a great reward for us here in the world and the hereafter. But it can also be degraded to nothing more than an animal instinct, just like taking a pee.

No justification is needed to question why we want to get married.

Avoiding zina (extra-marital sex) is frequently quoted as a good excuse to get married. Well, let us imagine a community where it is practically impossible for us to do zina, a zero risk. Will marriage be less encouraged then?

Or should we get married because we fall in love?

Hhmm, falling in love is not the answer for the “why” question, it is the answer for the “with whom” question.

Or is there another reason on why should we get married?

***

As muslims, we believe that our life is nothing more than a journey towards the Origin, so that at the end of our life we could say “We belong to Allah, and to Him should we all return.”

All of our action must converge into this focus. As such, we should never treat our marriage as an isolated case of action, separated from the general focus of approching Allah.

In too many cases, we see examples on how serious somebody plan their activities very carefully. But when it comes to the marriage, everything is a disaster.

Falling in love is frequently mentioned as the cause of the whole mess. “What to do, I really love him,” says a lady. “I don’t care what other people say, I really love her,” says a brave gentlemen.

In far too many cases falling in love is taken as a justification to take a free fall. Just close your eyes and hit it. A justification not to ask too many questions.

But the question remains: can our marriage bring us closer to Allah?

Many things can change if we put this question into perpective. How we treat our spouse can change, how we raise our children can change, the whole life of our family can change.

***

We have many examples in the family of Ibrahim (as) and Muhammad (saw) on these two important issues on marriage. The episodes of life of these two blessed prophets show a very clear sketches on how we should manage our marriage, to build a home.

As the Prophet (saw) said, “My home is my paradise.”

References:

• Al-Qur’an [30:21], [4:19-21], [14:35-41]
• Ibnul Qayyim Al-Jauziyyah, Taman orang-orang jatuh cinta dan memendam rindu, Darul Falah, Jakarta, 1420 H.
• Anne Sofie Roald, Women in Islam – the western experience, Routledge, London, 2001